Down with Love
by White Dove
Summary: Based on the hit movie Down with Love. Harry Potter, New York's most eligible bachelor is challenged by hit author Hermione Granger's book Down with Love. He is set for revenge, but as time passes feelings get more and more...real. Will they fall in lov
1. Chapter 1

A/N: Okay, this story is an AU (Alternative Universe) story based on the movie _Down With Love _starring Renee Zellweger and Ewan McGregor. Hopefully you guys enjoy my story and please, please, please read and review.

**Down With Love**

A twenty-five year old Hermione Granger stepped out of her taxi cab as she paid the driver her fee and onto the pavement of New York City. She couldn't believe the majesty of the skyscrapers reaching the muggy clouds in the sky. Her perfectly styled, wavy chestnut hair flowed in the wind as she ran to Finnigan Publishing, the building where her future would hopefully blossom.

As she walked into the building she brushed her pink dress down with her hands, making sure that nothing was out of place before she stepped into that room. She walked forward confidently towards the lifts. Once her lift arrived, she was about to step into it when a thin blonde woman brushed right past her, almost knocking her to the floor.

"Excuse me," Hermione said with a small tone of annoyance in her voice as she once again patted down her dress.

"Oh, I'm terribly sorry…I'm just in a rush to get to a very important meeting with Mr. Finnigan…I guess I'm just a tad bit nervous. I'm Luna, by the way." She said this all quickly as she extended her hand out towards Hermione.

"Luna Lovegood!" She exclaimed.

"Yes, oh are you Hermione Granger?" She asked.

Hermione nodded her head excitedly.

"Oh well let me introduce myself properly, I'm Luna Lovegood, the editor of your book! It's so nice to put a face to your voice!" Luna said, letting Hermione into the elevator and pushing the button for the 30th floor.

"Hermione Granger, it's a pleasure to finally meet you!" Hermione said.

"We have so much to do before the book is released! We have you booked for a photo shoot at three for the jacket, have to approve the jacket design, oh so many things! But don't worry, we have plenty of time, the book comes out next week!" Her voice faltered. "One week, oh my…"

The two women walked out of the elevator and Hermione had to jog to keep up with the pace of her nervous editor.

"Ms. Lovegood!" a voice called out. "Your mother called. She needs to-"

"Not now, Susan. I'm stressed enough as it is." Luna said as she abruptly cut off her secretary. "Hermione, this is Susan, she's my secretary. Susan, this is Hermione Granger, the author of that book I've been working on."

"It's very nice to meet you Susan!" She said happily as she surveyed the woman before her. She was one woman that needed this book more than anyone. Her plaid dress was too big on her, making her look more like a stump than a woman. Her brown hair was pulled back into the messiest bun that she'd ever seen as her huge glasses completely concealed her face…which had no make-up on it as it was.

As this was running through her mind, Susan received a page.

"They're ready for you in the lion's den Ms. Lovegood." She said in an almost morbid tone as they approached a set of huge wooden doors which, ironically enough, had lions' heads as decorations.

Luna took a big breath as she pushed open the doors and walked through them with Hermione following suit. She saw a rectangular wooden table with about six men surrounding it, three on each side she noticed, with two seats at one head and one chair at the opposite head. However, this chair was empty.

"Good morning gentlemen," Luna said in a semi-confident tone "This is Ms. Hermione Granger."

The men went clockwise around the table all holding their hands out to Hermione at their respective moment.

"E.M"

"R.J"

"C.G"

"H.A"

"J.F"

"O.K." Hermione said, not wanting to sound as confused as she actually was.

"No, Ms. Granger, O.K. is downstairs having lunch with S.F," The man that introduced himself to Hermione as E.M. said. "You know, S.F, Seamus Finnigan, the man publishing your little book."

Hermione nodded enthusiastically as she sat down in her chair folding her hands in front of her.

"If you don't mind me asking Ms. Granger," the man called J.F. asked, "What exactly is your book about?"

"You remember…Ms. Granger is our English girl, growing up in a small town and writing her book by the light of a candle." E.M. said with a laugh.

Luna stood and looked at the man with a bit of annoyance and, while pacing, said, "Ms. Granger's book is a serious piece of non-fiction entitled Down with Love---"

"Excuse me Luna, but while you're up, could you just grab me a cup of coffee?" H.A. said as Luna rolled her eyes, nodded, and walked over to the pot.

"Er…the pot is empty, H.A" Luna said.

"Well if you're making a fresh pot, I'll have a cup." E.M. said as the table followed suit.

Luna stomped over to the coffee maker and as she was preparing the coffee, tried once again to explain Hermione's novel. "Ms. Granger's book is a serious piece of non-fiction called Down with Love, a book containing exactly what a women needs to enter into the work force," she said as the coffee filter fell out of her hands.

The men turned in the direction of Hermione.

"But how do you propose women do this?" JF asked.

"By saying down with love! Love is an obstacle to women, a distraction if you will." Hermione exclaimed.

"But…wouldn't that mean the end of the human race?" Asked H.A.

"I say no to love, H.A., not sex." Hermione said.

"But isn't that the same thing?" H.A. exclaimed.

As all the men in the room turned to H.A. with a questionable look on each of their faces, Hermione laughed and said "I've outline my process in three simple stages. Stage one: The woman swears off men all together, helping her realize that she doesn't need a man, especially with the self pleasuring technique I outline in detail in Chapter 8 entitled…"

She trailed off as the men became more and more intrigued.

"Up with chocolate!" She said as the men fell back to their chairs with a disappointing sigh.

"Stage Two: The woman secures a firm place in the workforce while still continuing her boycott of men. By Stage Three the woman has her place in the workforce and is happily self sufficient." Hermione said with an accomplished smile on her face.

"All this time she's swearing off men?" JF asked.

"Merlin, no! By Stage three, the woman can have as much sex as she likes, just as a man does, a la carte." Hermione said.

Luna clasped her hands, pleased as she had now finished pouring the freshly brewed coffee and pleased at Hermione's wonderful book. However, the burns on her hands were not the only things about to pain her.

Fifteen minutes later, the women walked out of that room, stomping a bit more with each passing step.

"MEN!" Hermione screamed as they reached the taxi after the worst meeting of her life was finally over. "They say they'll publish my book, but they're not willing to publicize it? I can't believe this!" She exclaimed as she leaned back into the seat of the cab.

"Don't worry Hermione. Do you remember when you said that you wanted publicity somewhere where men could see it to? In a men's magazine perhaps? The most prestigious wizard's magazine?" Luna asked about to climax on her point.

"Know?" Hermione said.

"Well, you did and I—" Luna went to continue.

"No, I mean Know, the magazine for wizards in the know!" Hermione asked in an anxious voice.

"Oh, well yes, but this part's even better! I got you a cover story written by Know Magazine's star journalist Harry Potter!" Luna exclaimed.

"The Ladies' Man, Man's Man, Man about Town?" Hermione asked quickly.

"None other…and I hear he's _gorgeous_ and available." Luna said dreamily as Hermione shot her a look. "Oh yes, we don't care about that, Down with Love!"

Hermione smiled, "I can't believe this…me on the cover of Know…KNOW!"

"No." Harry Potter said to his boss and best friend Ron Weasley as they traveled in a taxi back to Know Magazine's building.

"Oh come on Harry, please, for me?" Ron begged. "A woman has never called me in my life, let alone invited me for a drink. I think this Luna really likes me…I think I really like her, and I think I would like her if she really likes me, which she does, because as the owner of Know Magazine, I've led her to believe that I have some pull with my staff."

"Well then pull some other staff because I'm not doing it." Harry said indignantly.

"Harry, the best thing I have to offer a woman is the best thing you have to offer a woman…you." Ron replied.

Harry laughed. "Sorry Ron, I'm using me. Besides why would I want to write a cover story for some English spinster?

"How do you know she's a spinster?" Ron asked crossing his arms over his chest and sighing angrily.

"Who else would write a book called _Down with Love_?" Harry said, crossing his arms right back at Ron."

"Please Harry! Please, please, please!" Ron begged.

"Fine, you know what, I'll do the story. You're lucky I'm your best friend and I better get a pay raise for this!" Harry laughed as his friend started to shake his hand in gratitude.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

**Disclaimer: **Don't own either of these things….etc….

Hermione and Luna's taxi arrived at an apartment building on 5th avenue and as Luna paid the bill, Hermione stepped out and looked at all the shops in amazement. She wished that wizarding clothes and shops could look this gorgeous. Luna tapped her out of her trance and they walked into the building and took a lift to the 24th floor.

"Now I know it's not much…but I hope you like it." Luna said as she opened the door to room 4C.

Hermione had never seen such a beautiful apartment in her life. She wasn't an author for nothing. Her favorite hobby was reading and there were bookcases already filled with her books, surrounding a set of plush chairs. There was a small sitting room and a staircase which she presumed led to the bedrooms and the master bath. But, the most spectacular thing about this apartment was the balcony. Hermione walked over to the huge window and pressed her face against the glass as she stared at the view. As she fell deeper and deeper into her transfixion with the view, the phone rang.

Hermione turned and walked towards the phone. "My first New York phone call!"

"It must be Know Magazine! No one else has your number!" Luna exclaimed.

Luna gasped, "It must be Harry Potter!"

Now it was Hermione's turn to gasp. She tried to regain her composure as she picked up the phone.

"This is Hermione Granger."

"This is Harry Potter." The other voice replied.

"Harry Potter….Harry Potter…" Hermione replied, knowing this would put the lady's man, man's man, man about town in his place.

"Know Magazine." Harry replied with annoyance and a little disbelief in his voice.

"Oh yes! Of course, what can I do for you Mr. Potter?" Hermione replied, satisfied that her statement had given its intended effect.

"Well, I'd like to meet with you concerning the cover story." Harry replied, still a little miffed at the woman on the other end of the phone.

"Well, I'm going to have to check my schedule." Hermione said, knowing that she was indisputably free for the rest of the week.

"We've already ordered…can you be at The Plaza in ten minutes?"

"Mr. Potter…that is absolutely impossible." Hermione replied with a laugh.

"Well, some other time then." Harry replied, his annoyance with this woman growing by the second.

"Right! I'll see you in fifteen." Hermione said as she hung up the phone.

Flash to Harry and Ron at The Plaza

Harry hung up the phone, amazed at the nerve of the woman he had just hung up with. His nerves were a little shot, considering that Ron had not stopped thanking him since they got out of the taxi fifteen minutes ago.

"Harry, you're the best friend a guy could ever have." Ron said.

"I know, Ron, you said that five minutes ago." Harry replied.

"Right, sorry, I'm going to go to the bathroom before the girls get here. Maybe throw up or something." Ron said as he got up from his seat and walked across the room and into the loo.

Harry rolled his eyes at his nervous and neurotic best friend as a woman in a purple skirt and blazer walked up behind him covering his eyes with her hands.

"Who am I?" She asked with a Southern accent and a cutesy voice.

"Tell me you love me." Harry replied, completely confused as to who this girl was.

"Gosh Harry, you know I love you." The girl replied.

"And I love you to…Hannah!" He said as he pulled her around into his lap and kissed her.

"How long before you have to be back on the Knight Bus?" He asked her in between kisses.

"Never long enough." Hannah replied with a pout.

"There's always time for a matinee." Harry replied with a purr in his voice as they got up and walked out of the restaurant.

About a minute after Harry exited, Hermione entered and walked with Luna over to a nearby table, looking around the restaurant for any sign of Harry Potter or Ron Weasley.

Ron exited the bathroom and passed the two women. He stopped as soon as he saw Luna.

"Hello ladies." Ron said with a nervous smile.

"Hello Ron. Hermione Granger," she said as she acknowledged Hermione, "Ron Weasley."

Hermione extended her hand. "It's a pleasure to meet you Mr. Weasley."

"Likewise." Ron replied.

"Where is Mr. Potter?" Luna asked.

Hermione nodded. "Yes Mr. Weasley, where is Mr. Potter?"

Ron glanced at his table. His heart sunk as he saw the empty chair where Harry should have been. "I don't know."

He signaled the host. "Pierre, where is Mr. Potter?"

"I do not know." Pierre replied as a waiter approached them with a telephone on a platter.

"Mr. Weasley, a Mr. Potter is on the phone for you." The waiter said, holding out the phone.

"Ah, here he is now!" said Ron as he picked up the receiver. "Harry!" he said nervously.

"Ron, let me talk to the spinster." Harry replied.

Ron took the receiver and handed it to Hermione. "Mr. Potter would like to speak with you."

Hermione thanked him and took the receiver. "This is Hermione Granger."

"I'm so sorry Ms. Granger…the strangest thing happened. I was waiting for you to arrive when suddenly, one of those American Owls flew through the window and landed on my shoulder…she wouldn't go with anyone else, so I had to take her home and care for her." Harry replied in the sweetest voice he could muster.

"Mr. Potter, I've heard that the true test of a man's character is how he treats a defenseless creature." Hermione said as she smiled at his act of kindness.

"Can we reschedule until dinner?" Harry asked.

"Of course Mr. Potter. Until dinner." Hermione said as she hung up the receiver.

That night, Hermione and Luna entered The Plaza well dressed and prepared to discuss their cover story with Harry Potter. The two spotted Ron, sitting at the table with his head in his hands. As they approached the table, a telephone was handed to Hermione. She thanked the waiter and picked up the receiver as she noticed an empty chair next to Ron.

"This is Hermione Granger."

"I'm so sorry Ms. Granger, the strangest thing. I'm out walking my Scottish Terrier and all of a sudden she doesn't want to come in." Harry said as Mary, a Scottish attendant on the Knight Bus nibbled his ear. "I'm sorry Ms. Granger, could we rain check until breakfast?"

"Of course Mr. Potter. Let me give you some advice, if you stick a little twig in her bottom, she'll remember why she came out with you in the first place." Hermione said.

"I-I'll keep that in mind." Harry replied, becoming a bit more aroused by the nibbling. "Until breakfast, Ms. Granger."

"Until breakfast." Hermione replied as she hung up the phone.

Harry hung up the phone on the other end. Some Yankee had just gotten a hit, but in Harry's private box, neither Harry nor Mary seemed to notice.

The next morning, Hermione, Luna and Ron were sitting around a table. Hermione checked her watch again. It was 9:23, he was supposed to have arrived three minutes ago.

Luna noticed the impatient look on Hermione's face. "Don't worry, I'm sure he'll call—I mean come."

As she was waiting, Hermione couldn't help but overhear the conversation being had at the table directly behind her.

"Mary, Lynsey and I missed you at lunch the other day." A young girl in a purple blazer and skirt said to her companion, who was wearing the same clothes.

The girl smiled. "Yes, well I took in a matinee, with Harry Potter." As she said this Hermione's face went rigid. _"Maybe it was a coincidence, she thought." _"But Lynsey and I missed you at dinner."

"Yes, well I took in a night game, with Harry Potter." The girl replied with a contradicting smile as the other girl's face fell.

"I told him I'd give up my career for him." Said the first girl.

"I did too."

"Now I wonder if he ever loved me."

"I wonder if he even cared."

"I wonder what's keeping Lynsey." Said both girls, finally realizing that their companion was missing from the table.

Hermione was angry and only became angrier as she saw that familiar waiter approaching their table with that God forsaken telephone-on-a-tray. He placed it on the table and just as Ron was about to pick up the receiver, Hermione grabbed it from him and in an angry tone started the conversation.

"This is Hermione Granger."

"I'm so sorry Miss. Granger, the strangest thing. I was kept up all night by my little English foxhound, and I'm afraid I'm still in bed. Can we raincheck until lunch?" replied Harry Potter.

Hermione scowled on the other end of the phone. "Mr. Potter, you can take your raincheck and as we say back home, put it where the sun does NOT shine."

"Ms. Granger," Harry replied with a laugh. "If you wanted dinner you should've just said so."

"Mr. Potter, I wouldn't meet with you in…A HUNDRED YEARS. Goodbye Mr. Potter, forever." She yelled as she hung up the phone with a murderous look in her eyes. She calmed down for a second and looked at Ron. "Mr. Weasley, thank you for your trouble."

Ron had the look of a sad puppy dog on his face. "Not at all."

Hermione turned to Luna. "Luna, I'll call a taxi."

Hermione turned and walked promptly out of the restaurant as Luna faced Ron.

"Well, I guess this is goodbye." Ron said.

"Yes, it's sad isn't it. I've never had to eliminate a future with a man without even having the opportunity to have a past with him. Goodbye Mr. Weasley." She shook his hand and followed her friend out of the restaurant, leaving Ron with the most pathetic look on his face.


End file.
